


Hate Me in the Morning

by Remy_Writes5



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, Drinking, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 21:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6094120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remy_Writes5/pseuds/Remy_Writes5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter has had a long day and his solution is to get drunk with Wade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate Me in the Morning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Spideypool or anything for the Marvel universe, but my friend got me into Stucky, which led to me reading a lot of Spideypool. That of course led to me wanting to write something for them. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for reading!

            Wade heard a small “whoosh” sound coming from his apartment window. He reached for his gun out of instinct and aimed it at where the noise had come from. He was annoyed that someone was interrupting his Golden Girls marathon on TVland. He had stolen cable just to be able to watch his favorite old ladies get up to shenanigans. 

            The gun was lowered as Peter walked in, tripping slightly over his feet. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, baby-boy?” Wade joked, crossing his arms over his chest. He’d met the infamous Spiderman during some chance encounters. A few epic teamups later and they were the best of friends – or at least Peter had revealed his secret identity and spent time with Wade willingly. That was more than he could say for most of his other friends.

            “Ha ha, very funny,” Peter said, pulling his mask off and dropping his backpack onto the floor by the couch.

            “What are you doing here, Spidey?” Wade asked. Aunt May had raised Peter right, which meant usually Wade got some kind of warning text before coming over.

            “It was a long night,” Peter responded, flopping down on the sofa next to Wade. “And I really, really want to get drunk.”

            Peter had an impressive bruise on his eye and his suit was torn by the ribcage. It had obviously been one hell of a night. 

            “So you’re hoping I’ll have a fake ID for you to get into a bar, jailbait?” Wade teased, poking Peter in the side.

            “Fuck you, Wade, you know I’m twenty-one,” Peter said, shoving Wade’s hand away.

            “No! You can’t be twenty-one!” Wade gasped dramatically, putting his hand on either side of his face. “That would mean we’ve known each other for five years. It can’t have been five years already! They grow up so fast!”

            “You’re such an asshole,” Peter said, shaking his head.

            “Aww, you love me anyway, sweetheart,” Wade cooed, ruffling Peter’s hair.

            Peter scowled at him in response. “Are you going to take me out drinking or not?”

            Wade grinned and turned off the TV. “I know just the place.”

 

                                                __________________________________

 

            As Wade stepped through the familiar doors of Sister Margaret’s, the smell of blood and piss and booze was as intoxicating as always.

 

[Is this really where we should be bringing clean cut Peter Parker?]

 

[ _Hell yes!]_

[Not exactly his usual crowd]

 

‘Both of you shut up. I know what I’m doing’

 

[ _When has that ever been true?]_

            “Nice place,” Peter said, making a face at two guys punching the shit out of each other by the pool table.

 

[ _Oh shit he hates it here!]_

[His Spidey-sense is probably going crazy in all this madness.]

 

[ _Great idea bringing him here, idiot!]_

 

‘Oh come on, yellow, don’t play me like that.’

 

[He’s right. This was a terrible idea.]

 

‘Whitey! How could you! I thought we were on the same page.’

 

[We’re never on the same page.]

 

            “Wade?” Peter spoke up, interrupting Wade’s argument with the voices in his head.

            “Friend of mine owns this place,” Wade responded, taking Peter’s hand and leading him towards the bar. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

            “I’m not exactly helpless, Wade,” Peter reminded him as they grabbed two stools by the bar. Wade knew that was true. He had spent enough time around Spiderman to know he could handle himself. Still, it wasn't like Peter could go around webs blazing around here when he was pretending to be an ordinary kid. 

            “What’s up, Wade?” Weasel asked, automatically pouring Wade a shot.

            “Just showing this sexy thing to my left a good time tonight,” Wade answered, flashing a grin over at Peter.

            “You brought a date here?” Weasel inquired, shifting his eyes from Wade to Peter. “Even I haven’t sunk that low.”

            “My sweetums wanted to get drunk and the booze here is cheap,” Wade shrugged.

            He glanced over at Peter and noticed him blushing.

            “Seriously, how old is this kid?” Weasel asked, raising an eyebrow. “He looks fifteen. Robbing the cradle just to get someone to go out with your fucked up face?”

            “Hey!” Peter said indignantly. “I’m twenty-one and this isn’t a date. We’re just friends.”

            “Sure kid,” Weasel responded, pouring Peter a shot as well.

 

[Just friends? What kind of bullshit is that?]

 

[ _He’s probably embarrassed to be seen with us.]_

[I told you we should have taken him somewhere nicer.]

 

[ _Like Taco Bell!]_

[Ah yes, the epitome of class, Taco Bell.]

 

            “Bottoms up,” Peter said, throwing back his shot.

            “You know it takes like a mountain of alcohol for me to get drunk, right?” Wade reminded him.

            “Liquid can’t take the shape of a mountain,” Peter said, his brow furrowing. “Unless it was frozen, which is difficult because alcohol has a lower freezing point.”

            “Nerd,” Wade and Weasel said at the same time.

            Peter made a face and slid his shot glass back towards Weasel for another. Weasel looked at Wade who nodded approvingly.

            Peter took the shot and gave a little shudder as the alcohol burned down his throat.

 

[Aww he’s too cute]

 

[ _The cutest. Let’s give him a hug!]_

            A few more shots and Peter was practically bouncing off the walls. “Wade! Wade!” Peter called out, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. “We should go fight some bad guys. Now. Like right now.”

            “If you want to fight some bad guys then take your pick of anyone in this bar,” Wade informed him with a smirk.

            “I don’t want to get in a bar fight, I want to go out on the streets!”

            “Okay baby-boy, I think it’s time we got you home.”

            “No! Wade, come on. Don’t be a party pooper!” Peter said, pouting as he hung off Wade.

            “Excuse you, I _am_ the party.”

            “Yeah, the party pooper!” Peter retorted, giggling like a schoolgirl.

            “Take it back,” Wade said, tickling Peter’s side.

            “Never!” Peter shrieked, trying to get away from Wade but Wade had too tight a grip on him.

            “Take it back, Parker!”

            “You can’t make me!” Peter said, wriggling in Wade’s arms.

            Wade pushed Peter up against the nearest wall, which ended up being a terrible idea because Peter was all breathless from laughing.

 

[ _Kiss him! KISS HIM!!!]_

[Don’t. He’s drunk.]

 

            Well, no one ever accused Deadpool of being a good person. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Peter’s. He kept still for a moment, waiting for Peter’s reaction. Instead of being pushed away in disgust, Wade was pulled closer and he felt Peter’s legs wrap around him. Peter moaned softly and opened his mouth pliantly under Wade’s ministrations, allowing Wade to slip his tongue in.

            “You take it back yet?” Wade murmured against Peter’s lips.

            “Not if that means you stopping,” Peter whispered, his eyes hard and challenging as he stared up at Wade.

            “Oh you are gonna hate me in the morning,” the Merc said with a grin.

 

                                                            ___________________________

 

            They somehow made it back to Wade’s apartment, on the couch as if they had never left. The only difference was that Wade now had a lap full of Spiderman and he had chased the taste of alcohol from his mouth so that he just tasted like Peter.

            Peter let out a little whine and rubbed his ass against Wade’s cock. Wade’s hands flew down to that glorious behind and began kneading it. “Hmm, precious cargo must be handled with care.”

            Peter laughed and nipped at Wade’s bottom lip. “You are such an idiot.”

            “I’m God’s perfect idiot,” Wade retorted.

            Peter responded by unzipping Wade’s hoodie and shoving it off his shoulders. “Want you,” Peter murmured, licking at Wade’s scarred flesh.

            “Fucking hell, Spidey,” Wade joked, sliding his fingers through the younger man’s hair. “If I knew you were so desperate for it, I would have given it to you months ago.”

            “Years,” Peter corrected.

            “I’m sorry? Come again?”

            “Years ago. I’ve had this stupid crush on your for years,” Peter informed him, sliding down between Wade’s legs. “And now I’m going to suck your cock.”

            “Petey, you’re drunk,” Wade said, hating to be the voice of reason.

            “Just drunk enough to get my courage up,” Peter amended, sliding Wade’s sweatpants down and letting his cock spring free. Wade didn’t like underwear. It cramped his style. “Why, do you not want me to?”

            “Oh no, I definitely want you to,” Wade insisted, watching Peter’s perfectly pink tongue poke out of his mouth and lick a bit of fluid from the tip. “I just want you to remember it in the morning.”

            “I will,” Peter promised, taking Wade’s cock into his mouth.

            “Fuck!” Wade said, his eyes going wide as he was enveloped in warm heat and Peter’s tongue worked the underside of his cock. “You done this before, Petey?”

            Peter shot him a cheeky wink and then began to suck him in earnest. It made the most delicious sounds as his cock slipped in between Peter’s lips. Wade opened his legs up wider in an invitation.

            Peter seemed to get the hint, because he pulled off with a wet pop and sucked on two of his fingers instead. Wade watched him through lowered lashes, fisting his spit-sick cock.

            His hand was batted away as Peter swallowed him down again and slipped a finger inside Wade’s asshole. Wade dropped his head back onto the sofa and moaned. “Oh yeah, that’s it. Fuck yeah.”

            A second finger joined the first and together they grazed over Wade’s sweet spot, making him jerk with pleasure.

 

[Our dick is in Spiderman’s mouth.]

 

[ _His fingers are in our ass.]_

[Spidey fingers.]

 

[ _Do you think he comes webbing?]_

‘Shut up both of you and just enjoy it.’

 

            “Petey, baby, I’m gonna –“ Wade warned, tugging on Peter’s hair. Peter pulled off and finished Wade off by hand, his fingers still in Wade’s ass. Wade let out a shout as he came over his stomach and Peter’s hand.

            When he was done, Peter gently removed his fingers from Wade’s ass and smiled. Wade tugged Peter up into his lap and quickly undid his jeans. Spitting into his hand, he wrapped it around Peter’s cock and began to stroke him. Peter whimpered and buried his face in Wade’s neck. “Fuck, fuck,” he chanted, panting against Wade’s skin.

            “Come on, baby-boy,” Wade cooed. “Let me have it. “

            Peter groaned and his whole body shuddered as he came, his hips jerking as he fucked into Wade’s fist. “Hmm, so good,” Peter said, relaxing against Wade and promptly passing out.

            Wade wiped his hand on the couch, he needed a new one anyway, and carried Peter into his bedroom. He decided to be the big spoon as he positioned them together. Peter made a happy little snuffling noise as Wade put his arm around him. Wade said a prayer to Stan Lee, thanking him for inventing that fine ass.

 

                                                                        ___________________

 

            Peter’s eyes were blurry when he awoke the next morning. It took him a few moments to adjust and look around at his surroundings. He was wrapped in Hello Kitty sheets and completely naked underneath them. The bed beside him was empty but there was no mistaking whose bed it was.

            The night before came back with startling clarity. Peter had been out on patrol when he’d faced down a mugger with a gun. Peter had dispatched of him easily enough, leaving him dangling from a rooftop for the police to pick up. Even though the gun hadn’t even gone off, it gave Peter an uneasy feeling for the rest of the evening. He was off his game, thinking about his Uncle Ben, and needed a distraction.

            He’d never admit it out loud, but Peter always went to see Deadpool when he needed cheering up. Wade was the perfect catalyst for a terrible evening because he never took anything seriously and he could make Peter laugh like no one else.

            Peter felt more like himself around Deadpool than with any other superhero. Not that Wade was really a superhero, but there was almost something calming in that fact. Peter didn’t have to be impressive around Wade like he did around the Avengers. He could just hang out with Wade the way he really couldn’t with say Ironman or Captain America. They had their own shit going on while Wade almost never had things going on.

            Peter yawned and stretched before wrapping himself up in the sheet and going out to find Wade. “No Scrubs” by TLC was playing and Wade sang along as he flipped pancakes. He was wearing his sweats but no shirt and an apron. Peter couldn’t help grinning when he saw him.

            “Morning, sweetcheeks!” Wade said, flashing him a smile as he put the pancake on an already comical stack of the breakfast food.

            “Good morning,” Peter responded, tugging his fingers through his unkempt hair.

            “I was going to stay in bed until you got up but then I got hungry. Also you snore. It was like that scene in Fargo with the woodchipper. I’ll have to start getting you those nose strips. I have no idea if they actually work but we’ll go by trial and error.”

            Peter snorted. “You think I’ll be spending a lot of nights in your bed, do you?” he asked, tugging the sheet tighter around himself.

           “Well yeah, seeing as you have a crush on me and all,” Wade said, winking at Peter before turning off the stove.

            Peter blushed an alarming shade of crimson. He’d forgotten that little confession of his and he was utterly embarrassed.

            “Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head, sweetums,” Wade said, leaning over the counter and kissing Peter on the nose. “I know that no one can resist my charms. You’re a redblooded American male, I’m the foxy Candian hunk. It was bound to happen eventually.”

            “Is that so?” Peter asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “It is,” Wade said, divvying up the pancakes and pulling out the syrup and butter. “Now eat up, you’re a growing boy and you need your strength if you’re going to keep up with me.”

            “Keep up with you?” Peter asked, popping a piece of pancake into his mouth.

            “You know, sex-wise.”

            Peter began to choke on his pancake until Wade came over and thumped him on the back. “Excuse me?”

            “Super healing factor, remember? I basically have limitless boners, which means endless sexy times with you.”

            Peter bit his bottom lip. “Gosh, you make it sound so romantic, Wade.”

            Wade fluttered his eyelashes at Peter. “I made you pancakes, darling. Isn’t that romantic.”

            “You could do better.”

            “There is nothing better than pancakes!” Wade said indignantly. “At least where breakfast food is concerned.”

            Peter laughed and grabbed the front of Wade’s apron, pulling him forward into a kiss. “You better not have any jobs lined up for today.”

            “Why’s that, sweetheart?” he asked with a knowing smirk.

            “I want the Wade Wilson version of romance,” Peter informed him. “All. Day.” He punctuated each word with a downright filthy kiss that had Wade’s pupil blown wide with arousal.

            “Oh Petey,” Wade said, swooning. “You say the sweetest things.”


End file.
